There’s something fascinating about the way alchemists used to talk about turning lead into gold. I mean, they weren’t just hunched over cauldrons trying to get rich. They were onto something much deeper — something that hits home for anyone who’s ever felt stuck in a heavy place. Because, let’s face it, life has a way of piling on the lead.
For me, it’s always been about that feeling of weight. You know the one. The kind that sits in your chest when you’re holding onto something too long. Fear, old grudges, the voice that tells you you’re not good enough — it’s all heavy. It feels like a chunk of lead just lodged in your heart. And for the longest time, I thought the only way to deal with it was to ignore it or just carry it around like an unwanted pet.
But here’s where alchemy comes in. Those ancient alchemists weren’t just obsessed with gold because it was shiny and valuable. They were searching for something deeper — a way to transform the heaviness into something beautiful, something that shines. They called it transmutation, but what they were really after was a way to change themselves from the inside out.
I’ve come to realize that the lead in our lives — all that emotional sludge we’d rather forget — isn’t something to throw away or pretend doesn’t exist. It’s raw material. It’s the stuff we need if we ever want to get to gold. And believe me, I’ve spent years trying to run from my own lead, thinking I could find a shortcut to the shiny bits without actually digging into the muck. Spoiler alert: you can’t.
Carl Jung, who was basically the OG alchemist of the psyche, once said, “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” That hit me hard the first time I read it because it felt like he was speaking directly to me. Like he was calling me out on all the times I tried to sidestep my own shadows, hoping that if I ignored them long enough, they’d disappear.
But no. It turns out the only way out is through. The more I tried to push away the heavy stuff, the more it weighed me down. So, I started to do the work. The messy, uncomfortable work of sitting with the darkness. And let me tell you, it feels like being an alchemist in your own life. You’re heating up all the crap you’ve been avoiding, turning up the fire until it transforms.
The thing about transmutation — real, soul-deep transmutation — is that it’s not about becoming something you’re not. It’s about burning away everything that’s not you. And that’s a whole different kind of gold. It’s the kind that can’t be taken away, the kind that doesn’t lose its shine.
Here’s what’s helped me on that journey:
- Writing it out: I started journaling not to write a memoir, but to empty out all the thoughts that were just circling around. Getting it on paper was like pouring molten lead out of my head, letting it cool into something solid that I could actually look at and deal with.
- Sitting in the fire: Meditation, but not the kind where you’re trying to float away somewhere peaceful. I mean sitting with whatever came up. The anger, the grief, the fear. Instead of trying to run, I just let it burn until something shifted.
- Embracing the ugly bits: I had to let go of the idea that I needed to be “fixed.” We’re not broken. We’re just raw. And it’s that rawness, that willingness to face the darkness, that brings the shine.
So, if you’re feeling weighed down, if you’re carrying around your own lead and wondering how to turn it into gold, know this: the gold was always there, hiding in the heavy stuff. It’s not about finding it somewhere outside of yourself. It’s about alchemizing everything you already have within you.
The lead is just the beginning. And trust me, the gold you’ll find on the other side? It’s worth every second of the heat.
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